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This blog is very much so my diary
i want it to be that way so i am gnna write as if i wouuld in a diary

today went smoothly pretty much... i went out to dinner with raynell everettes and ray's cuz krista.
Me and ray have the same birthday and kristas was the 12 of january so we figured lets go out even though me and rays birthday was the 18 this past sunday

we went out and had dinner and jus hung out but then it seemed as if ray got mad at me for talking to her older uncle tyope dude... whom is a very educated indivual. I enjoy speaking to educated people... makes me feel like i can be smart if i wanna be
but yea her getting angry made me angry... i shouldnt feel bad for speaking to an intelligent indivual but alas i have to i guess... me and rays relationsip is so shaky we r cool sometimes... atrracted sometimes... angry sometimes.... and confused all the time
i just wished she knew what to make of us so she ould tell me too...

another thing is me being alone lol
i keep watching noahs arc and getting horribly depressed... i want to find love like that... gay or straight
i want someone to love me for what i am and for what i am not and for what i will be
but it seems to farfetched of an idea these days... happy 18 for me i guess

i am writing a piano peice... i am proud of it but i dont like it very much
it reminds me of what a waste music has been on my life
here i stand ready to pursue my passion andi come to find that i am not good enough... that my passion for music is not enough... i want to cry about it but i dont so i write about it
hoping that my tears can be flowed into pixels and ink
i think its working i havent cried yet

my soul needs bearig about a couple things that i cant remember all at once. it is a funny feeling that i cant shake. I just need to be renewed i guess. everytime i star off fresh though it isnt long before everything builds up again. creating a bigger pile of b.s. than before

so currently on this pile...

lonliness
loveless
musicless
futureless
confusion (plenty of)

recycle bin of the mind

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